How often do you put others’ needs before your own, even when it leaves you feeling drained or overlooked? Or maybe you always defer decisions to others, like what to eat or where to go, because you can’t bear the thought of disagreeing? If this sounds familiar, you might be caught in the cycle of people-pleasing habits.
Recognising People-Pleasing Habits
Take a moment to think about your daily choices. When you’re asked a simple question like “Where do you want to eat?” or “What should we do today?” do you find yourself immediately deferring to others, even when you have a preference of your own? These small, everyday moments reveal a pattern of putting others first and neglecting your own desires.
If you constantly find yourself saying “yes” when you really want to say “no,” or prioritising others’ opinions over your own, you’re likely trapped in people-pleasing habits. These behaviours are often driven by the desire to avoid conflict or gain approval, and can leave you feeling frustrated, overlooked, or burnt out. Now that you’ve recognised these habits, it’s time to take control and ask yourself: What do I want?
How to Break Free from People-Pleasing Habits
Breaking free from people-pleasing habits isn’t easy, but it is possible. The first step is recognising that your needs matter just as much as anyone else’s. Here are some practical steps to help you shift the balance:
- Start with Small Decisions
Next time you’re asked a simple question like “What do you want to eat?” or “Where should we go?” pause before you respond. Reflect on your own preference before automatically agreeing with others. It might feel uncomfortable at first, but this is a small step toward prioritising yourself. - Set Boundaries
If you’re constantly saying “yes” to requests, you may be neglecting your own well-being. Start practising saying “no” when it feels right. Remember, boundaries don’t make you selfish—they help you protect your time, energy, and mental health. It’s okay to say “no” to others in order to say “yes” to yourself. - Prioritise Self-Care
People-pleasing habits can make you feel like you have to take care of everyone else, but you can’t give from an empty cup. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish; it’s necessary. When you prioritise your own well-being, you can show up for others without feeling drained. Set aside time for activities that recharge you—whether it’s reading, exercising, or simply resting. - Mindfulness and Awareness
Start noticing when your desire to please others is driving your decisions. This awareness is the first step toward change. Whenever you catch yourself acting from a place of wanting approval, ask: Is this decision based on my needs or someone else’s? By being mindful, you can choose actions that align with your true desires and values.
Moving Forward: Embracing the Uncomfortable
It’s important to acknowledge that changing your people-pleasing habits won’t happen overnight. It will feel uncomfortable at first—your brain has been trained to seek harmony and accommodate others. So, when you start putting yourself first, it may feel “wrong” or “egoistic,” as though you’re betraying your kind, caring nature. But the truth is, prioritising yourself is not selfish. It’s necessary for your own happiness and long-term well-being.
This new path may feel strange and unsettling, but it’s also the path to a healthier, more balanced life. Remember, it’s okay to feel uncomfortable—it means you’re growing. Stay patient with yourself and trust that with time, these changes will become easier. You deserve to take care of your own needs as much as you care for others.